Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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