dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
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I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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