Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize