So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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