a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
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Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
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Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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