It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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