its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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