T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
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Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
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Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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