I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
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I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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