He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
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I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
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sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
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