Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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