A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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