My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize