With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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