can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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