If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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