are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
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