I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize