Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
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I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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