I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
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My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
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Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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