Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize