he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize