she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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