I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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