i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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