I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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