My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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