I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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