The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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