my sisters under your porch take her home
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You are a genius and a whore.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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