if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
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drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
May the power of my ass compel you!!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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