I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
birth control should be required to get into college
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize