shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize