I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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