i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize