you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
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we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
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Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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