Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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