All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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