For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
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There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
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It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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