I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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