After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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