it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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