remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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