Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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