I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You're so nebulous sometimes
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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