I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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