She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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