It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
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i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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