I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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