I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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